This is a post about my experience in Animatsuri in September where I first wore my Amira costume for local eurocosplay qualification.
Despite the event starting on Friday, for me, I had to finish major things for Wednesday as the driver who was taking my one million bags so generously with his car had a little party on Thursday evening and did not want to drive on that day. I was so rushing and I totally hated it. I like doing everything with a lot of care and I do not like cutting corners. So, I felt slightly like this is not what I want. Anyway, the driver actually arrived to collect the bags and I was still like cluing my last things and they waited a little bit but in the end, most of the stuff was in car.. (not an easy task as there was four of us and there was another cosplayer. You know.. cosplayers "love" having many bags)
Anyway, comes Friday. I had taken day off work to drive to Tartu early to have some time to spent with my childhood best friend whose place I will be crashing. As I expect Animatsuri to be full days, I wanted to have at least some time to chat and catch up.
While I am still in my home packing, I read from instagram that the main favorite for EC (who had very ambiguous and gorgeous costume in progress) has decided to drop out as she did not finish the costume (considering how I have been rushing in the end, I know how it must have felt. I actually hoped that maybe she can still do it as being rushing in last minute myself, I would have known how horrible it had felt if something would have not been finished.. and I know people put lot of time behind their costumes. So, I felt really bad that someone has not managed to finish.) Also, this meant that there would be very few of us in EC preliminaries. I know one of the names, I managed to google the second one but the third one was unknown for me. Total of four. I think until that moment I had not considered that I even had a change. I mean, I had done the costume for so long and with lot of care but I had always thought that the two main favorites will go and take the price and I actually did not thought too much about the competition while doing the costume. I knew from the start that I will try EC and I prepared the costume with that on mind but I never thought for sure that I must win it. I think if that had been my only goal, I would have not enjoyed making the costume or would have been too stressed or.. I mean, there are some aspects that make costume more likely to have success. I think Amira costume has many of those aspects (like very complex details, many different techniques needed) but I was never "fixed" on idea of winning. (At one point in London, I actually felt bad as it felt like so many people wanted to be in EC so badly that my "I just decided to try" felt very lame.. compared to other peoples years of dreaming of participating in EC).
Anyway.. my thinking, with Amira, was that if I can improve from judges favorite to getting like a placement, I would be super happy. On that moment, I actually started to worry that what will happen if I should win EC preliminaries. I would be able to go to London as I actually put the start of my postdoc so that it would be possible (so, some part of me probably dreamt about it but never too seriously) but it would be very inconvenient... like London, day back home, and off for Japan for more than a year.. so I actually considered whole Friday and Saturday to take myself out of EC competition as I felt I do not want it probably as much as some others might. My idea had always been take part, enjoy it and let someone else win it.
Okei. Tartu. Friday was the ball day. I must say ball is something I love a lot about Animtasuri. So this was my third Animatsuri. First one was 4 years ago? and then it was the ball I think I liked the most. Then I missed a year because I was in Japan doing my research and last year thanks to conference I only managed to do Sunday that fully went for the competition. So, this time I was glad I had all days and nothing else (expect the conference on following Monday but this time it was after luckily :D).
I wore my Widowmaker dress to the ball. As I spent the whole year doing Amira, I had no time to anything else and as I finished my PhD, I thought, I could treat myself with amazing dress from one of the most amazing designers I got to know in Deviantart. I mean, when I started there, she also started and it is amazing to see how far she has gone. So, I am totally hyped about my Widowmaker dress. I had worn it once in small cosplay event and in Unicon in Latvia but actually I had heard rumors that people thought bad things about this dress.. like why do I even wear it.. it is bought.. I am not sure but I think a lot of people actually wear bought cosplay (and is it bad? I mean, not all of us have all the skills and if they want to look good, should we say bad things about them?) and I would have loved making that dress myself but I just did not had time and I wanted to have some variety for my cosplay (the drawback of doing year long projects and being "starting cosplayer".. I actually only had three outfits if Irisviel can be counted.. with Widow, it is four... and Rait told if I ever wear Lucrezia again, he will just not help me. that dress is a nightmare for him as an assistant). I think Animatsuri ball was always the event I thought I will wear this dress.
What I had previously learned from this costume in Latvia was that the wig is nightmare. The pony tale part is too heavy and I need lot of assistance with it. Luckily I had a fellow larper who was willing to attend the ball and help me with it. I warned her that it is not easy but she thought like: "How hard can it be.." Surprising, for her, it wasn't hard at all. So, I enjoyed chatting with people, meeting some old friends, making new friends. The socializing was the best part, I think. I did enjoy a lot of the dance performance that was organized. It was very nice and I liked how those dancers super quickly changed their costumes. Dancing the ballroom dances... ee.. that is probably the weakpoint for me. yeah, sure, at school I did learn ballroom dancing and I actually took some extra courses but that was so long ago.. now I can only waltz...
I sadly did not managed to stay till the end as I was so tired from rushing days before con that I think I just dropped after 10 or so? So, back to the friends place and off to sleep..
Saturday - first day in con
I was dressed up as Irisiviel. I could not find her brooch so actually day before I had quickly made new one and it broke like in first hour. Ups. I totally enjoyed Saturday by going from one presentation to another. I felt like in conference - looking on the program and deciding what to listen.
Some of the things felt real musts. Pandemonium from Latvia had super panel about different tips for cosplay. Using black tea for dying actually came from there. Also, the idea of recording the performance and reviewing it... oh, too late for that back I will keep that in mind.
Fleur had super helpful panel on wigs. I think I got ideas how to save my Widowmaker wig. I need time to practice but I did not had it before leaving so.. I hope when I get back home I oneday will remember all the useful hints and I will style some amazing wigs :D
And then one of the judges had panel on pvc. That was probably the one I was waiting for most. I had use pvc for Amria costume but I had to say - I had no idea what I was doing. I had never heard about filler (and I am still not sure what it is in Estonian. I got something that I thought was right but it did not behaved well when I was redoing the jewelry).
I was so busy that I just had to take a forced brake in the middle of the day to have lunch with bunch of other cosplayers.. it was fun but I am so sure I missed something I really badly wanted to hear. And I think around five-six, I left the con, ate dinner with another friend (I love how con brings together people I had not seen for so long) and my hope was to catch early sleep.
During Saturday, I actually talked with few people about what should I do (about EC) and basically they told me I should participate but I was so unsure.. I did not slept at all during that night (I mean.. I never have this.. I do not remember when I was so nervous? Not before my PhD defense.. not before.. I do not know.. so it felt so weird I was so confused about something like that...) Anyway..
Sunday
For me, the day started very early. My plan was to be at con site at 11 and I was supposed to be at make up at 9. I tried ordering taxi but apparently Sunday morning is bad time for this. I managed to be on time on the make up (another little secret - I actually have skin that does not like makeup at all. Even the natural one. Like.. not at all. I can put makeup on but next day I will be red.. like totally red. It was even worse when I was younger.. now I am not tomato red.. so I never wear makeup in everyday life.. For cosplay I suffer.. I can be red day after the con. It is fine :P But thanks to that I never even learned how to apply makeup. Because I knew I could not use it and it will be very painful later.. For cosplay I actually started to learn. I even did a makeup course (that was waist of time, to be honest) but I am miles behind everyone else... So to have even slightly okei looking makeup, I need someones help as I learned last year from the competition when judges told me the costume is fine but the makeup....) So.. I have really amazing friend who is makeup artist in Tallinn who has helped me with makeup for cosplay. And after I have seen what she does, I can copy it (I mean. She did Lucrezia for me for Mängudeöö and after I tried to copy that for Latvia, I even got complimented from judges that my makeup looks so similar to the char.. I was so surprised and so happy). In Tartu, I knew noone and many people I would have considered for help, had other things they needed to do this morning.. like their own makeup :P So I ended up with this lady many people recommended me but who had no idea about cosplay or anything. When we talked before hand, she was so confused that I gave her that drawn picture has a reference and she kept asking me for something else. She also worked on me never showing me what she did.. so when I finally saw the mirror.. wow.. It was not what I expected but it was... makeup.. definitely and impressive.. so.. trying to get taxi again to get to the con and I arrive only slightly later.
One aspect about Amira costume that I loved, was how practical it is. No worries about things falling off (mostly) and it was very comfortable. And it does not take too long to put it on. So, despite getting to the con later than planned, I was soon dressed, ready with my props and off to the judges. It was little queue but then I got it.
I do not remember much about the judging. I think the problem with Amira is that there are so many aspects and I just try to remember to talk about all of them. So.. I just talked and talked and talked.. I think after Latvia where the judges asked almost nothing, this felt good that they actually had questions and they wanted to see some aspects more closely. Overall, I had very good feeling and if I was nervous before, I wasn't anymore. Like judging was the point when the nervousness was replaced with enjoying the con. I would have preferred if I had not been nervous at all but..
Then was the stage rehearsal. I had wayyyy too much props. The poor stage guy had to write it all down and my assistant was worrying so much about if they got it right where things should be. So, I left most of my props there (and let my assistant go and enjoy the con) and I queued for the photo corner (I mean, it was so lovely to see the same photographer I had seen in Latvia and despite being in totally different costume, he was able to recognize me.. like: "You were Widowmaker, wasn't you?"). That was long wait but I actually enjoyed chatting there with fellow cosplayers. It was actually really nice to learn how other people had ended up in cosplay and learn from their experience. I mean, I can analyze everything but I so feel that I lack the experience. I am just glad I had competed once in Animatsuri as this time I knew what to wait for.
And when photos were done, I had like 30 minutes of free time. It had all gone. The day just went so quickly before the competition started. I managed to meet with other EC candidates and I must say it was very friendly bunch of cosplayers. I totally enjoyed our chats. Somehow we all were in the same boat. They also told me that they just wanted to have fun and let someone else win and they also thought I am going to win it now.. Everyone was like thinking that and saying it to me. Expect my assistant :P He was very pessimistic like: "No, this is not going to happen". :P
My performance was somewhere in the middle. It was not the first one in EC block but like third or second? Anyway.. I am actually never nervous on stage. When I am there, the only thing I think is hitting my marks in music and thinking what is the next move.. Now time to think if something is off or how many people there are.
Before the con I had realized that the earrings are very heavy and they keep falling off. My plan was to clue them to my ears (I do not have piercings) but as during the con, they did not fell off, I thought I will be fine.. and then, on stage, during the performance.. one of them fells off. Noone actually saw that :P but yeah.. and it was the reoccurring event.. the same happened in EC :P
Anyway.. I was done with my performance, I sneaked at the back of the hall and enjoyed rest of the show. And then it was done.. it felt.. slightly weird.. no big cosplay photo like in previous years..
I actually wanted to go eat pancakes as I had not had lunch yet and it was like 5 pm but we were told the judges only need like 30 minutes or so.. so, no time.. I was thinking if to take costume off or not (as the car wanted to leave as quickly as possible after the finishing ceremony) but I decided to keep the costume on. I managed to get down to the photowall and get few more shots, meet more friends.. do some compulsory "Our overwatch playing group" groupphoto.
It actually took longer than they had said first. I met another really superb cosplayer in a really superb costume. And she was from Estonia. I had not known about her before. I looked at her page and was amazed. Wow. And if I got correctly, she also larped.. Like? wow.. :D
Anyway.. the final ceremony. I think it is not the spoiler to say I did win EC preliminary. I was super happy but little bit of my was doubting that did I win it because there was only 4 of us and we were little sad bunch or was the costume really worth it.. that's why I would have loved to have more participants and let the best costume, whoever it would be, to win. So yeah, I think I had a lot of self doubt that I only won because there were so few of us. I was super glad that Vega got first place for her green man. That costume is amazing and that girl I just met.. she got first place in performance. I mean. All the winners totally deserved it and there were so many great cosplays that did not got a prizes but I think that is always the case with every competition.. but yeah.. I saw some people being sad and it always makes me sad..
And off we went to the car and long drive back home. I think I texted my parents that I won and my mom was happy but dad was like: "Did you really needed that? And how will you handle London and moving in the same time.." (And mom was like: "oo.. she will go to London? I had no idea.." somehow I had managed to talk more about cosplay to dad than to mom that is weird as dad always says like: "why do you not want to have more normal hobby", when I am asking if he has that or that tool.. so far he has had them all.. why, and what he does with them.. I am not sure :D)
So.. after spending year on this costume, I had though Animatsuri will be the end of this "struggle". No... But hey, I actually was super happy that my costume won and I was so proud that this, my second serious cosplay, can go to London and I can represent Estonia there. I just wanted to be sure I can do my best and I knew I only have a month.. and one week of that will be in conference.. and there will be lot of pressure with Japan (like finding an apartment that is willing to rent for foreigner.. brrrr.....) but I think I enjoyed it.. maybe not on that moment but now when I looked but, it was amazing opportunity and I am so glad I decided to risk and take a part. :D
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| "Some" stuff |
Despite the event starting on Friday, for me, I had to finish major things for Wednesday as the driver who was taking my one million bags so generously with his car had a little party on Thursday evening and did not want to drive on that day. I was so rushing and I totally hated it. I like doing everything with a lot of care and I do not like cutting corners. So, I felt slightly like this is not what I want. Anyway, the driver actually arrived to collect the bags and I was still like cluing my last things and they waited a little bit but in the end, most of the stuff was in car.. (not an easy task as there was four of us and there was another cosplayer. You know.. cosplayers "love" having many bags)
Anyway, comes Friday. I had taken day off work to drive to Tartu early to have some time to spent with my childhood best friend whose place I will be crashing. As I expect Animatsuri to be full days, I wanted to have at least some time to chat and catch up.
While I am still in my home packing, I read from instagram that the main favorite for EC (who had very ambiguous and gorgeous costume in progress) has decided to drop out as she did not finish the costume (considering how I have been rushing in the end, I know how it must have felt. I actually hoped that maybe she can still do it as being rushing in last minute myself, I would have known how horrible it had felt if something would have not been finished.. and I know people put lot of time behind their costumes. So, I felt really bad that someone has not managed to finish.) Also, this meant that there would be very few of us in EC preliminaries. I know one of the names, I managed to google the second one but the third one was unknown for me. Total of four. I think until that moment I had not considered that I even had a change. I mean, I had done the costume for so long and with lot of care but I had always thought that the two main favorites will go and take the price and I actually did not thought too much about the competition while doing the costume. I knew from the start that I will try EC and I prepared the costume with that on mind but I never thought for sure that I must win it. I think if that had been my only goal, I would have not enjoyed making the costume or would have been too stressed or.. I mean, there are some aspects that make costume more likely to have success. I think Amira costume has many of those aspects (like very complex details, many different techniques needed) but I was never "fixed" on idea of winning. (At one point in London, I actually felt bad as it felt like so many people wanted to be in EC so badly that my "I just decided to try" felt very lame.. compared to other peoples years of dreaming of participating in EC).
Anyway.. my thinking, with Amira, was that if I can improve from judges favorite to getting like a placement, I would be super happy. On that moment, I actually started to worry that what will happen if I should win EC preliminaries. I would be able to go to London as I actually put the start of my postdoc so that it would be possible (so, some part of me probably dreamt about it but never too seriously) but it would be very inconvenient... like London, day back home, and off for Japan for more than a year.. so I actually considered whole Friday and Saturday to take myself out of EC competition as I felt I do not want it probably as much as some others might. My idea had always been take part, enjoy it and let someone else win it.
Okei. Tartu. Friday was the ball day. I must say ball is something I love a lot about Animtasuri. So this was my third Animatsuri. First one was 4 years ago? and then it was the ball I think I liked the most. Then I missed a year because I was in Japan doing my research and last year thanks to conference I only managed to do Sunday that fully went for the competition. So, this time I was glad I had all days and nothing else (expect the conference on following Monday but this time it was after luckily :D).
I wore my Widowmaker dress to the ball. As I spent the whole year doing Amira, I had no time to anything else and as I finished my PhD, I thought, I could treat myself with amazing dress from one of the most amazing designers I got to know in Deviantart. I mean, when I started there, she also started and it is amazing to see how far she has gone. So, I am totally hyped about my Widowmaker dress. I had worn it once in small cosplay event and in Unicon in Latvia but actually I had heard rumors that people thought bad things about this dress.. like why do I even wear it.. it is bought.. I am not sure but I think a lot of people actually wear bought cosplay (and is it bad? I mean, not all of us have all the skills and if they want to look good, should we say bad things about them?) and I would have loved making that dress myself but I just did not had time and I wanted to have some variety for my cosplay (the drawback of doing year long projects and being "starting cosplayer".. I actually only had three outfits if Irisviel can be counted.. with Widow, it is four... and Rait told if I ever wear Lucrezia again, he will just not help me. that dress is a nightmare for him as an assistant). I think Animatsuri ball was always the event I thought I will wear this dress.
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| Photo by Visual Culture Club |
What I had previously learned from this costume in Latvia was that the wig is nightmare. The pony tale part is too heavy and I need lot of assistance with it. Luckily I had a fellow larper who was willing to attend the ball and help me with it. I warned her that it is not easy but she thought like: "How hard can it be.." Surprising, for her, it wasn't hard at all. So, I enjoyed chatting with people, meeting some old friends, making new friends. The socializing was the best part, I think. I did enjoy a lot of the dance performance that was organized. It was very nice and I liked how those dancers super quickly changed their costumes. Dancing the ballroom dances... ee.. that is probably the weakpoint for me. yeah, sure, at school I did learn ballroom dancing and I actually took some extra courses but that was so long ago.. now I can only waltz...
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| Photo by Visual Culture Club |
I sadly did not managed to stay till the end as I was so tired from rushing days before con that I think I just dropped after 10 or so? So, back to the friends place and off to sleep..
Saturday - first day in con
I was dressed up as Irisiviel. I could not find her brooch so actually day before I had quickly made new one and it broke like in first hour. Ups. I totally enjoyed Saturday by going from one presentation to another. I felt like in conference - looking on the program and deciding what to listen.
During Saturday, I actually talked with few people about what should I do (about EC) and basically they told me I should participate but I was so unsure.. I did not slept at all during that night (I mean.. I never have this.. I do not remember when I was so nervous? Not before my PhD defense.. not before.. I do not know.. so it felt so weird I was so confused about something like that...) Anyway..
Sunday
For me, the day started very early. My plan was to be at con site at 11 and I was supposed to be at make up at 9. I tried ordering taxi but apparently Sunday morning is bad time for this. I managed to be on time on the make up (another little secret - I actually have skin that does not like makeup at all. Even the natural one. Like.. not at all. I can put makeup on but next day I will be red.. like totally red. It was even worse when I was younger.. now I am not tomato red.. so I never wear makeup in everyday life.. For cosplay I suffer.. I can be red day after the con. It is fine :P But thanks to that I never even learned how to apply makeup. Because I knew I could not use it and it will be very painful later.. For cosplay I actually started to learn. I even did a makeup course (that was waist of time, to be honest) but I am miles behind everyone else... So to have even slightly okei looking makeup, I need someones help as I learned last year from the competition when judges told me the costume is fine but the makeup....) So.. I have really amazing friend who is makeup artist in Tallinn who has helped me with makeup for cosplay. And after I have seen what she does, I can copy it (I mean. She did Lucrezia for me for Mängudeöö and after I tried to copy that for Latvia, I even got complimented from judges that my makeup looks so similar to the char.. I was so surprised and so happy). In Tartu, I knew noone and many people I would have considered for help, had other things they needed to do this morning.. like their own makeup :P So I ended up with this lady many people recommended me but who had no idea about cosplay or anything. When we talked before hand, she was so confused that I gave her that drawn picture has a reference and she kept asking me for something else. She also worked on me never showing me what she did.. so when I finally saw the mirror.. wow.. It was not what I expected but it was... makeup.. definitely and impressive.. so.. trying to get taxi again to get to the con and I arrive only slightly later.
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| I can only imagine what the taxi driver must have thought as I stepped in half costumed and with this make up |
One aspect about Amira costume that I loved, was how practical it is. No worries about things falling off (mostly) and it was very comfortable. And it does not take too long to put it on. So, despite getting to the con later than planned, I was soon dressed, ready with my props and off to the judges. It was little queue but then I got it.
I do not remember much about the judging. I think the problem with Amira is that there are so many aspects and I just try to remember to talk about all of them. So.. I just talked and talked and talked.. I think after Latvia where the judges asked almost nothing, this felt good that they actually had questions and they wanted to see some aspects more closely. Overall, I had very good feeling and if I was nervous before, I wasn't anymore. Like judging was the point when the nervousness was replaced with enjoying the con. I would have preferred if I had not been nervous at all but..
Then was the stage rehearsal. I had wayyyy too much props. The poor stage guy had to write it all down and my assistant was worrying so much about if they got it right where things should be. So, I left most of my props there (and let my assistant go and enjoy the con) and I queued for the photo corner (I mean, it was so lovely to see the same photographer I had seen in Latvia and despite being in totally different costume, he was able to recognize me.. like: "You were Widowmaker, wasn't you?"). That was long wait but I actually enjoyed chatting there with fellow cosplayers. It was actually really nice to learn how other people had ended up in cosplay and learn from their experience. I mean, I can analyze everything but I so feel that I lack the experience. I am just glad I had competed once in Animatsuri as this time I knew what to wait for.
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| Photo by Kirill Dogadajev photography |
And when photos were done, I had like 30 minutes of free time. It had all gone. The day just went so quickly before the competition started. I managed to meet with other EC candidates and I must say it was very friendly bunch of cosplayers. I totally enjoyed our chats. Somehow we all were in the same boat. They also told me that they just wanted to have fun and let someone else win and they also thought I am going to win it now.. Everyone was like thinking that and saying it to me. Expect my assistant :P He was very pessimistic like: "No, this is not going to happen". :P
My performance was somewhere in the middle. It was not the first one in EC block but like third or second? Anyway.. I am actually never nervous on stage. When I am there, the only thing I think is hitting my marks in music and thinking what is the next move.. Now time to think if something is off or how many people there are.
Before the con I had realized that the earrings are very heavy and they keep falling off. My plan was to clue them to my ears (I do not have piercings) but as during the con, they did not fell off, I thought I will be fine.. and then, on stage, during the performance.. one of them fells off. Noone actually saw that :P but yeah.. and it was the reoccurring event.. the same happened in EC :P
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| Photo by Denis Signarskis |
Anyway.. I was done with my performance, I sneaked at the back of the hall and enjoyed rest of the show. And then it was done.. it felt.. slightly weird.. no big cosplay photo like in previous years..
I actually wanted to go eat pancakes as I had not had lunch yet and it was like 5 pm but we were told the judges only need like 30 minutes or so.. so, no time.. I was thinking if to take costume off or not (as the car wanted to leave as quickly as possible after the finishing ceremony) but I decided to keep the costume on. I managed to get down to the photowall and get few more shots, meet more friends.. do some compulsory "Our overwatch playing group" groupphoto.
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| Photo by Visual Culture Club |
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| Photo by Visual Culture Club |
Anyway.. the final ceremony. I think it is not the spoiler to say I did win EC preliminary. I was super happy but little bit of my was doubting that did I win it because there was only 4 of us and we were little sad bunch or was the costume really worth it.. that's why I would have loved to have more participants and let the best costume, whoever it would be, to win. So yeah, I think I had a lot of self doubt that I only won because there were so few of us. I was super glad that Vega got first place for her green man. That costume is amazing and that girl I just met.. she got first place in performance. I mean. All the winners totally deserved it and there were so many great cosplays that did not got a prizes but I think that is always the case with every competition.. but yeah.. I saw some people being sad and it always makes me sad..
And off we went to the car and long drive back home. I think I texted my parents that I won and my mom was happy but dad was like: "Did you really needed that? And how will you handle London and moving in the same time.." (And mom was like: "oo.. she will go to London? I had no idea.." somehow I had managed to talk more about cosplay to dad than to mom that is weird as dad always says like: "why do you not want to have more normal hobby", when I am asking if he has that or that tool.. so far he has had them all.. why, and what he does with them.. I am not sure :D)
So.. after spending year on this costume, I had though Animatsuri will be the end of this "struggle". No... But hey, I actually was super happy that my costume won and I was so proud that this, my second serious cosplay, can go to London and I can represent Estonia there. I just wanted to be sure I can do my best and I knew I only have a month.. and one week of that will be in conference.. and there will be lot of pressure with Japan (like finding an apartment that is willing to rent for foreigner.. brrrr.....) but I think I enjoyed it.. maybe not on that moment but now when I looked but, it was amazing opportunity and I am so glad I decided to risk and take a part. :D
